


Infiltrating Heaven (And Pretending to be Healthy)

by FernStone



Series: Food Omens [4]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Food Service, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Crack Treated Seriously, Cute, Established Relationship, Fluff, Food, Light Angst, Nonbinary Beelzebub (Good Omens), Other, Some Plot, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 04:21:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20886029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FernStone/pseuds/FernStone
Summary: "Even the fanciest of chefs can fall for the temptation of greasy food," Crowley wiggled his eyes suggestively."And even the greasiest of cooks can have a nasty accident with a deep fat fryer," Beez replied pointedly."Well it's a good thing I haven't used one of those in months," Crowley smirked, far too proud of himself for a rather lame comeback."That can change."





	Infiltrating Heaven (And Pretending to be Healthy)

**Author's Note:**

> So uh sorry its been a while. Uni has started and is already killing me. I'm ngl the next part to this will take a little while!! Its more heavy than the last few and has some actual plot I guess? I started it but haven't been able to write in like a month.
> 
> Anyway I also have shorter light stuff planned so I'll try do that!
> 
> Also sorry if there are mistakes I was tired proof reading.

"Gabriel," a frantic whisper from Uriel, looking more stressed than normal, caused Gabriel to turn around from where he was scrutinising the daily specials for tomorrow. He was doing it as he worked in the kitchen, though he'd left most of the actual cooking and managing of the chefs to Sandaphalon today. There was a lot more managerial work that needed done.  
"Yes, Uriel?"  
"Two people from hell have come into the restaurant."  
Gabriel dropped his pen as his mouth fell wide open. What? Sure he visited Hell's Diner all the time but he'd never expected any of them to visit here. Sure, he'd been dating Beez for a few weeks. But they'd never even hinted that they wanted to visit him. Maybe it wasn't them.  
"Which ones?"  
"That greasy manager." Uriel wrinkled their nose in disgust and Gabriel had to force his anger down. "And the red head who always wears sunglasses. Zira is serving them."  
Gabriel groaned, though probably not for the reasons that Uriel thought he was. That redhead was Zira's asshole boyfriend. Crawley? No, Crowley. That would mean Zira would be distracted the whole time he was there.  
"What do we do, we can't force them to leave, it would be causing a fuss," Uriel had kept talking without Gabriel really paying attention. "But they're getting weird looks from other customers."  
"I'll go talk to them," Gabriel shook his head, ignoring the completely shocked look from Uriel. He pulled out his phone. "Just continue business as usual."  
"Yes sir."

* * *

  
"They really seem to be in a pickle about us being here," Crowley smirked, lounging back in his chair as he gulped down the wine that had just been brought over to him.  
"I shouldn't have let you drag me in here," Beez hissed, having already downed a vodka coke to calm their nerves. "There's no reason for this."  
"Don't you want to check out out competitors," Crowley waggled his eyebrows, eyes landing on the blond they knew he was dating. "And I said I'd pay for you."  
Ah, yes. That had been the main reason Beez had agreed to this (and a few threats). Scowling, they picked up the menu and began searching for the most expensive thing. Crowley was still rambling on but they ignore him. It was a skill they'd developed over the years of dealing with him.  
Their phone buzzed. Not caring about the politeness of it they picked it up.  
Why are you here? - Gabriel  
Was dragged by Crowley, they quickly typed back.  
Of course they should've expected it to cause havoc in the restaurant. They were easily recognisable, neither dressed up well enough for the place. Beez had work right after this too and by god were they dreading the walk of shame between the two places.  
Not to mention the memories here brought back. They tried not to dwell on them.  
Their phone buzzed again.  
Is there anyway you can go? - Gabriel  
They rolled their eyes. Oh yeah it was so easy to convince Crowley to get them to leave.  
Not that easy - Beez  
"Hey, Beez."  
They glared up at Crowley for loudly interrupting the second text they were about to send. He pointed to where his boyfriend was waiting with a little book in hand. Ah, clearly they'd been expecting his order for a while.  
Realising there was no getting out of this situation, Beez locked their phone and ordered the most expensive starter and main on the menu.  
"I wonder if they'll actually bring us food or just the scraps," Crowley hummed thoughtfully after Zira had left.  
"They care too much about their reputation to do that," Beez shrugged. "Though they might do other things in it."  
"Like when Hastur spit in the food for... Gabriel was it?"  
"Something like that," Beez waved away the mention of him. It wasn't that easy to pretend they didn't notice him when their phone was buzzing with multiple texts from said person. He was probably working himself up into a panic in the kitchen.  
"You seem to know him pretty well, anyway. He's still coming round to ours all the time and you eat together. Almost seems like your friends."  
"Business partners," Beez glared at their annoying cousin, taking a long drink of wine. They needed some alcohol in them to deal with this. "Due to a certain pair of lovers who were refusing to do their jobs. Sometimes our problems overlap."  
"Seems a bit regular for a business meeting," Crowley gave a lazy smile.  
"Well I don't know why he keeps turning up," Beez scowled. Whatever Crowley was pushing for he wasn't going to get. "Probably just to be a massive pain for us all.   
"Even the fanciest of chefs can fall for the temptation of greasy food," Crowley wiggled his eyes suggestively.   
"And even the greasiest of cooks can have a nasty accident with a deep fat fryer," Beez replied pointedly.  
"Well it's a good thing I haven't used one of those in months," Crowley smirked, far too proud of himself for a rather lame comeback.  
"That can change."  
"I for one cannot wait for the law suit after you push me into one."  
"When did I ever say I'd push you," Beez leaned forward, staring Crowley right in the eye. "Accidents always happen."  
"Only if you're not careful."  
"Of course, I forgot that you were the most precise of all workers," Beez rolled their eyes. As much as they'd like to push Crowley into some burning hot oil sometimes, they never actually would. Finding another worker with his experience was just a pain (and theyd never hear the end of it from his mother).  
Crowley just smirked, as he so often did, before getting completely distracted by a different waiter coming over with food. "Oh look, the starters are here, better stop talking about oil so we don't scare the waiter away."  
Beez rolled their eyes, but was glad to have food and be away from that inane conversation anyway.

* * *

  
"I swear to God, Zira, if I find out that you invited them here I will not forgive you," Gabriel glared down at his younger brother, phone clutched in his hand. Beez wasn't responding to his texts, they were still here and he was beginning to freak out a little. Everyone was distracted now, constantly whispering about it and looking at the two. The number of distasteful looks from customers in their direction was insane.  
Gabriel wanted nothing more than to storm over there and carry Beez out. But that would cause a scene. He was concerned about two things. Their reputation but, more importantly, Beez's well being. All the people looking down on them boiled his blood and he could barely keep it under the surface. Not to mention how uncomfortable they'd looked when he'd peered out for a glimpse! On the outside they looked as nonchalant as Crowley, but he could tell from the stiffness of their small frame and the way their fist kept clenching. They weren't comfortable and he didn't like that. He wanted to rush them out to hug and talk about just why his workplace made them feel like that. But he couldn't.  
That's why he'd rounded up Zira to give him a very stern talking to (turning more into an angry shouting).  
"I didn't!" Zira squeaked, hands held up. "I had no idea they would be Crowley didn't tell me he was coming."  
"I don't believe you, I know how much you talk to him."  
"I swear I didn't!"  
Gabriel narrowed his eyes at his brother, who seemed to be being honest. Zira had never been good at lying and it was normally easy to tell if he was from certain nervous habits. However he'd gotten better at it since dating a certain employee from hell.   
"Even so, you're going to help me fix it." Before he could protest, Gabriel grabbed his brothers shoulder and steered him back out towards the front of the restaurant. As he passed the kitchen he gave orders to cancel the orders for that table. He was confident he'd be able to get Crowley and Beez to leave - especially when the latter didn't seem to want to be there.   
"Hello esteemed patrons," Gabriel put on his best diplomatic smile, shining it down upon Crowley and Beez. Beez looked up with a scowl, though it seemed more directed towards his cousin than anyone else.   
"Gabriel," they responded evenly.   
"My I feel special, a member of management coming out to talk to us!" Crowley dramatised, hand against his chest. "It really is an honour."   
Beez glared at him. Gabriel could already see why they found him so annoying. Dealing with Zira seemed like an ease compared this. "Well it isn't everyday we have a visit from our neighbour."   
"Well we just thought we'd have a nice meal here."   
Gabriel turned his head to Beez, who looked like they were either about to stab Crowley or just bolt.   
"Your patronage is appreciated," his smile strained slightly, and he subtly kicked Zira to stop him from making loving eyes at Crowley. "However you are causing a disruption among our other customers."   
"Are you threatening to kick us out?" Crowley gaped, voice rising. "That's discrimination."   
"I am merely pointing out a fact. Neither of you," he glanced at Beez pleadingly (but subtly). "Are adhering to the dress code we have here. You stick out and it is causing people to question our standards."   
"Oh we know when we're not welcome," Beez drawled, not helping matters at all. On the outside they seemed so unbothered but it all, is if it was a mere nuisance. But Gabriel could see the anxiety below that. "But we really don't care for your reputation."   
Yes, very much the opposite of helpful. Gabriel got that Beez had their own appearances to uphold but come on! They gave another pleading glance towards Beez, who was staring intensely at anywhere but Gabriel.   
"Yeah, this isn't fair!" Crowley indignantly piped in.   
"Look, if I let Zira finish work just now will you leave," Gabriel stared down at Crowley, face picture of diplomacy but a hidden threat behind his smile. He gently brushed the top of Beez's head when he was sure no one would notice, smile momentarily becoming genuine when they leaned into it.   
"Yes," Crowley grinned as if he'd just won the lottery, grabbing Zira's hand. Zira looked nervous about the whole thing but didn't outright protest. "I got exactly what I came for."   
A pointed smirk at Beez, which they scowled in response to, and he dragged Zira out of the restaurant after him. Gabriel just shook his head, resisting the urge to face palm. His brother would honestly be the death of him. Next time he'd just give Zira a day off if he wanted to spend time with his boyfriend rather than forcing Crowley to come into the restaurant in some kind of protest.   
"I best be going then," Beez stood up, grabbing their coat and pull it around them. He saw the slight slouch in their shoulders and wanted to hug them, but couldn't.  
"Thank you for coming to our restaurant," Gabriel forced out with a smile, more for appearances than anything.   
Beez gave a curt nod, though their eyes were soft as they met his. Then they left.   
Gabriel indicated for the waiters to clear the table, heading back to the kitchen and rubbing his head. He completely ignored Uriel gushing over how well he'd handled it as he got back to work.

* * *

  
Meet me in the alley between our work in a bit - Gabriel   
Beez stared at the text they'd gotten from Gabriel over half an hour ago with a frown, burning cigarette held in their other hand. They didn't open for at least another hour but they'd planned to just go in and do some admin work before they'd gotten the text. So instead they'd been out here waiting.   
They'd needed a smoke anyway. They didn't do it often, not anymore, but after all that stress they'd needed it. They were never ever going in there again, not even if Crowley made the same offer. Not that they'd gotten any of the food in the end.   
They looked up from their moping at the sound of a door opening, Gabriel emerging from the back door of his restaurant. He scrunched his nose at their surroundings before smiling (genuinely) at them.   
"Sorry I took so long! So much to do, Uriel would not shut up and let me go on my break," he laughed, coming over to them and shoving a box at them. "Here, I know you didn't get any dinner because of everything so I grabbed you something."   
Beez blinked down at the box of far too fancy food in their hands. "Thank you."   
They unceremoniously crushed their cigarette under their foot before dropping down to sit on the ground. They looked up at Gabriel expectantly. He grimaced but then joined them.   
Pleased, they shifting closer to him so they could rest their head against him while starting to eat. Him being close was comforting (not that they'd ever admit that). He gave a soft, content sigh before putting an arm around them.   
"How are you feeling after that?"   
"Fine," Beez shrugged mid mouthful. "Bit rude pointing out how we were lowering the standards of the whole place."   
"You know I didn't mean it before you," Gabriel squeezed their shoulder. Beez just raised an eyebrow, because it didn't bother them anyway. They knew they didn't exactly fit into high society (all too much sometimes). "And that's not what I meant. I could tell you didn't want to be in there."   
Beez automatically stiffened, before forcing themselves to relax and continue inhaling the food (it was so damn good, they hated to admit). "I don't know what you mean, I couldn't care less about being in there. I'd just rather not be around pretentious assholes for longer than neccesary."   
"I think it was more than that, Beez," Gabriel spoke softly and they hated it. They didn't like showing weakness, even to him. Not yet. And it was over such a stupid thing. "You seemed so uncomfortable in there. How come."   
"I didn't," Beez glared up at him. "I was perfectly fine, you're just imagining things. You seem to think I'm really bothered by things I'm not. I couldn't care less."   
Gabriel frowned, clearly not entirely believing them, before sighing slightly. "If you say so." He leant over to drop a kiss on the top of their head. "I'm assuming it won't be happening again, though?"   
"Of course not, you couldn't pay me to go in there," Beez pulled a face. "Though you could always bring me food from there sometimes."   
Gabriel laughed. "I'll keep that in mind and do that sometimes when I visit."   
"You better," Beez poked him in the chest, smile tugging the corners of their lips. "I provide you with food from my work!"   
"Because I pay for it."   
"And that's entirely your choice, you've never asked for me to get you some for free."   
"And would you?"   
"No," Beez stuck out their tongue. "It's not a smart business model, is it? We don't have leftovers like you do."   
"Hey now, these were the leftovers of your meal."  
"Sure they were."   
"Really, why do I put up with you, you're so annoying," Gabriel joked, though he was grinning widely.   
"Because I'm attractive and have a stunning personality?" Beez laughed.   
"You are both of those things."   
Beez blushed immediately, grasping for the words to respond to such a strong compliment. Fuck, they hadn't thought this far. "Shut up."   
"Okay," Gabriel smiled, pulling Beez closer and nuzzling his face into the top of their head.   
They sighed softly, relaxing against him, completely content. 

* * *

  
"Did he seriously believe you weren't in on it," Crowley giggled in his flat at the other side of London. Zira just gave a pleased shrug. "He must be getting gullible, seriously."  
"Oh, dear, I think my brother is going... Soft," Zira smiled, hand gently rested on top of Crowley's.  
"Definitely," Crowley gave a wicked smile. "But everything went to plan."  
"Yes it did."  
"Now we just need to figure out how to use this information," Crowley's grin just turned more mischievous. "I cannot wait to tease Beez about this."  
Zira frowned at him. "You told me you weren't going to use this for anything harmful."  
"Details, Angel, details. The important thing is that we figured it out. Not that they did a good job of hiding it."  
Yes, as much as Zira might be against it, Crowley couldn't wait to use this discovery against their bosses.


End file.
